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Interview #142: Wotmania and Dragonmount Q&A, Entry #10

Question

You have been awarded with the Bronze Star and other awards in Vietnam. Would you care to tell us how one or all of those awards came about?

Robert Jordan

(*sigh*) Everyone knows about one way of winning a medal. That is, to see something which needs to be done and to consciously do it at the risk of your life. I never did this. Relatively few people do, which is why we mark out those who do as heroes.

But at other times, you can realize that you are going to die in a very few minutes, except that if you do something incredibly stupid, you might just have a small chance of living. And against all reason, it works. Or you take a step without thinking, and then it’s too late to turn back, maybe because turning back is just as dangerous as going on, or even more dangerous, or maybe because you know that you will have to look in the shaving mirror, and that every time you do, you will remember that you turned back. So you keep going. Or perhaps it’s because you are with your friends, and you have to back their play, even if it’s crazy, because they’re your friends, because they’ve backed your play, even when it was crazy.

I was with a group of men who had a certain air about them, and if you didn’t have it when you joined them, you soon absorbed it. A plaque in our day room read: Anybody can dance with the Devil’s daughter, but we tell her old man to his face. At a time like that, in a place like that, you’re all young and crazy, and if you’ve been there long enough, you know you’re going to die. Not from old age; next month, next week, tomorrow. Now, maybe. It’s going to happen, so what does it matter? In the end, for most of us, the medals boiled down to managing not to die. If you’re alive when the higher-ups think you should be dead, it discombobulates their brains, so they hang a bit of something on you to balance things in their own heads. That’s how it happened for me. That is why I am not I repeat, not! a hero. I just managed to stay alive. And I even managed to get sane again. Reasonably sane, anyway.

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